Greater Empathy Helps Us See the Person, Not the Psychosis

If we ourselves haven’t experienced living with schizophrenia, there are likely to be times when our loved ones’ experience can seem baffling and frustrating. Even after we have learned techniques for communicating with someone in psychosis, we may sometimes feel stuck, with no idea how to move forward in a situation. This is when the best tool in our arsenal may be empathy, which benefits not just our loved ones but ourselves.

Tools for building empathy for your loved one

I have found a host of benefits for greater empathy including reduced stress, anxiety, and depression, more satisfying personal relationships, and better problem-solving skills.

And the best news is that anyone can increase their empathy skills with a few simple techniques. Since caregiving involves a lot of learning on the job, we’re ideally placed to practice these new skills until they become second nature.

How do I help support my loved one living with schizophrenia?

Here are some ideas for developing greater empathy:

Active listening

It takes practice to focus on understanding our loved ones’ words, especially if we believe they have nothing meaningful to say. Too often, we dismiss their perspective while they are in psychosis or put our energies into trying to prove them wrong.

But if we concentrate on paying attention, not only to their words but also to tone, body language, and emotional undertones— a task that admittedly can take some work if our loved one is experiencing negative symptoms— deep connection is possible.

A technique for perspective-shifting

I am very interested in how perspective-taking activities strengthen empathy.

Years ago, I learned a technique for better workplace communication that adapts well to caregiving. It's a form of active listening I like to call The One Percent technique. It suggests that, when we are tempted to dismiss someone’s point of view as outrageous, uninformed or false, we instead consider that it might be one percent true.

This was useful when my daughter told me to stop yelling at her when I was pretty sure I was using a neutral tone to remind her of household chores. In the past I had little success defending myself in such arguments, but when I asked myself if there was one percent of my behavior that could feel like being yelled at, I had to answer yes: I had the power in the situation, and was attempting to use it in ways that felt arbitrary and even punishing to Sally, who had already been robbed of so much autonomy by schizophrenia.

Instead of focusing on who was right and wrong, I strove to listen for the emotions behind her words, and search for solutions for the real problem. I put aside my bruised feelings at being ‘falsely accused’ of yelling. This allowed me the space to learn that what felt like a simple request truly was beyond the reach of my loved one at that point in her psychosis.

Community engagement

Given the shock and fear that many people feel when they learn their loved one has a debilitating mental health condition, it’s understandable that we may be reluctant to embrace the new community we are now a part of. In my experience, however, spending time with people who share my daughter’s diagnosis and those who support them has increased my understanding and reduced my stigmatizing attitudes.

Our perspective shifts in a positive direction when we see others practice acceptance, compassion, and love. Becoming ‘part of’ is one of the best things we can do for ourselves as care providers. Not only does it increase empathy, our own burden feels lessened when come out of isolation.

Meditation and mindfulness

For me, regular mindfulness practice has been helpful, increasing my empathy and compassion.

A good place to start might be a simple loving-kindness meditation. In a moment of stillness and quiet, try directing positive affirmations first to yourself, honoring the important and difficult job you are doing and the love that motivates it. Then focus on your loved one, asking for the same blessings you wish for yourself--the rest and willingness you need to be effective, the sense of peace or calm you experience in your best moments, or the strong connections you yearn for with others.

Emotion labeling

I've also seen how learning to identify the specific emotions I experience improves my emotional intelligence and empathetic accuracy. This doesn’t happen overnight— I’ve been working on this for over a decade— but the important thing is to develop the habit and intention.

As caregivers, we may experience a kaleidoscope of conflicting emotions over the course of a week or even a single day, and some can be very painful— so much so that we may deny, bury, or replace them. But true healing requires the courage to accept all of our emotions.

My own progress has come from practicing acceptance.

This allowed me to have more honest conversations with Sally, during which I discovered that my fear in crisis situations often comes out as anger. Knowing that has allowed me to pause, name and confront my true emotion, and respond in a more measured and authentic way, which benefits everyone.

Self-Reflection Practice

Regularly reflecting on our emotional experiences and reactions is an important step in building deeper empathy through self-awareness.

For me, journaling is one of the most important things I do for myself as a caregiver. I find that writing down my thoughts gives me just enough distance from situations and raw feelings that more positive perspectives and creative solutions have the space to emerge. Even simply writing “I have no idea what to do about…” or “I don’t know how I’ll get through…” seems to open a door to healing.

Make empathy a daily practice

When we make the effort to truly see and hear our loved ones, both of us experience healing. Making empathy a daily practice transforms us as caregivers and breaks down stigma in our communities.