Support for Caregivers: The Power of Curiosity

My growth as a caregiver has been gradual, starting from a place of ignorance and fear and shifting to advocacy and greater confidence as I’ve gained experience and knowledge. Sometimes, though, I’ll experience a shift that feels more seismic, a new way of viewing some aspect of my role of supporting and advocating for my loved ones that takes me to an entirely new level.

Diving into schizophrenia research

This happened to me recently when a simple research task but turned into an all-day deep dive. I set out to investigate a common belief about young people with schizophrenia that had been bothering me for a while. As I dug into the research, I discovered that a myth that had developed from a misinterpretation of various data points. The facts were far from straightforward as followed the threads from one study to another, chasing the intuitive connections researchers had made and tested.

Growing my understanding as a caregiver

My ADHD brain is often ungovernable but it’s great at cognitive leaps, and before I knew it I was knee deep in findings that had nothing to do with the original question. When I finally paused for the day, I realized that while I hadn’t made much progress on my to-do list, my mood had improved significantly. I had started my research feeling defensive, weary, and angry—emotions stemming from years of navigating the stigma and institutional obstacles that face those with schizophrenia. But I ended the day in a much better place, intrigued by new findings and encouraged by the ongoing research and its potential to advocate for positive change.

The real ‘aha’ moment came when I tried to label this shift and realized that curiosity was at the heart of it. My original inquiry was motivated by the belief that this myth had harmed both peers and caregivers. But when I let go of those negative feelings and embraced a spirit of inquiry, I became more receptive to new information, even when it challenged my existing convictions.

Why caregivers should stay curious

Since then, I’ve discovered that reframing my actions and attitudes with curiosity as a focus has made me a much better ally -- and a better mom.

Here are some of the reasons why:

Curiosity doesn’t blame

It’s impossible for me to hold onto both resentment and a genuine desire to learn more at the same time. In the past, I often viewed those I disagreed with as adversaries. But when I start with the belief that we all share a desire to know more, we’re united in purpose. I can ask, “How did you experience what happened?” instead of trying to convince others to see things my way.

Curiosity is collaboration

When we both want the same thing, we’re more likely to work together to achieve it. My support style may differ from that of other caregivers, but curiosity helps me see and appreciate their strengths. For instance, I might ask how I could contribute to causes we share, like advocating for more treatment beds in our community.

Curiosity is willingness

Overwhelm and fatigue are common problems for caregivers, making our efforts feel meaningless. Much of this pain stems from trying to impose our beliefs and values on our loved ones. If we can reframe judgment into curiosity—replacing “you should” and “you must” with “help me understand” -- we’ll gain valuable insights into our loved ones’ lives and relieve ourselves of the burden of codependence.

Curiosity is trust

This might be the biggest shift of all. When I accept that I don’t know everything about schizophrenia or what my loved one is feeling and thinking, I’m admitting that I’m not in control. While it can be scary to accept that many matters are out of our hands, it’s also a tremendous relief to place trust in others -- especially in my loved one, who has the right to make decisions about their life, but also in institutions, people, and my Higher Power.

Getting into the right mindset

By nurturing a mindset of curiosity, I’ve noticed a real improvement in my attitudes toward my loved ones, myself, and even toward schizophrenia itself. I wish for you the blessing of curiosity and acceptance as you continue the valuable work of supporting and caring for your loved ones.