The Impact of Schizophrenia on My Family

I am lucky enough to say that my family was and is a huge part of my support system. Without them, I don't think that I could have successfully navigated my journey of mental health issues. To say that they have been a pivotal part of my recovery is an understatement.

But things weren't as easy as being a supporter to a child in need. My parents were almost as terrified as I was about what was happening to me. Thirty years in, we're still learning.

Growing up with a great family

My mom's childhood was the complete opposite of mine, and she grew up from a place of trauma. She knew that she wanted better for her child. That's me. Never again would a child have to endure what she did and simply survive. She wanted the best for me, and my childhood was quite special – some might even say idyllic.

That's not to say that we weren't without problems, squabbles, or issues, but we thrived. Mom and dad (who had his own childhood trauma) provided everything for me, and it was wonderful. It wasn't until my late teens and early 20s that things started to collapse.

When schizophrenia entered the picture

Right before my first hospitalization, my mom came home from work one day to find me standing in the living room with an X-Acto knife and fresh cuts to my ankles. My mom had been a psych nurse for a while and didn't know what to do but to help me get admitted to the nearest psych ward.

We went seeking help, but that's far from what I received. That's where I stayed for the next 2 weeks, but unfortunately, things got worse before they got better. Over the next few years, mom and dad would be on a rollercoaster with me as we all navigated my illness and the mental health system at large.

The daughter they had known was gone...

They were so worried about me dying. And as you know, suicide is high in folx with schizophrenia. They were terrified about my wellbeing all the time. They never knew what to expect from my behavior, nor did they understand how my specific symptoms would play out.

They had officially lost the bright and shining star that they had raised. Gone was the lead in her high school and college plays... Gone was the happy-go-lucky comedienne... Gone was the outgoing popular kid who was in everything and was a friend to everyone.

Schizophrenia impacts the whole family

Now their honor roll student was so drugged on antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, antidepressants, and anti-anxiety meds that she couldn't even focus enough to read a book. Certainly not what any parent expects for their child. Especially a child that had been so full of life and so full of her dreams.

What my parents learned was patience, empathy, and perseverance. And they had to develop almost as much resilience as I did. They fought this battle right along side of me.

A lack of caregiver resources

Their fear, anger, confusion, and overall sadness had no outlet. Back in the very early 2000s, there were no support groups for parents, or they weren't advertised, and my family did not know where to turn for any additional support to deal with what they were experiencing as caregivers. My parents bonded over their shared trials with me, and it eventually made their relationship stronger... But at what price?

It was an extremely difficult time. I can't imagine being a parent and bringing your adult child an ice cream during visiting hours on the psychiatric ward in the hospital. While most of my childhood friends were out getting married and having their first children, I was bouncing from psych hospital to psych hospital trying to grab some semblance of stability and make sense of what was happening in my tortured mind.

Suffering through the sadness

My parents were there every step of the way and supported me in a way that you can only do for your children who are suffering.

I remember being in the hospital for Father's Day one year and I made my dad a card in one of the art groups on the unit. I was so embarrassed to give him my homemade card when I was 26 years old and supposed to be out enjoying life as an independent young woman. He took it in stride and loved that card (and kept it!), but deep down, I think it hurt him as much as much to receive it as it did for me to give it.

I love my family so much

Now that I have made significant strides in my recovery, and have years of stability under my belt, my relationship with my parents has been amazing. My dad is no longer with us, but in his last days, I felt absolutely honored to take care of him as he did me when I was in need and entering a new phase of existence.

Now that my mom is 81, she lives with me (as I lived with them when I was in need), and we couldn't be closer. Mental wellness and illnesses like schizophrenia have a huge impact on families. Seek support and outreach as many folx as you can who have been there. Help is available and absolutely critical to families who struggle with a loved one who has a serious mental illness.