Where Did My Motivation Go? Avolition and Schizophrenia
I think I consider myself to be a motivated person. I've always been a go-getter – a generator of ideas and action. I have pulled myself into a place of recovery and resiliency from a very bleak place and that took a heck of a lot of motivation, determination, and action.
But there are still days when I just can't do it. And that's a common struggle among folx with schizophrenia and schizophrenia-related disorders.
Negative symptoms of schizophrenia
Not only do we deal with hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, and disorganized thinking (positive symptoms), we have negative symptoms too. And these can include a loss of motivation and a sense of apathy about our lives.
I've dealt with that firsthand and it's a difficult thing. It's got worse since I've become older. When I was younger, it was the positive symptoms that were the most troubling to me and the hardest to deal with. Now, I think it's more the negative.
When I don't want to get out of bed
Every morning, I set my alarm for 5:15 a.m. I have big ideas of getting up, having my coffee, and then going for a run or working out before I get ready for work. Some mornings, it does happen. Like clockwork, I'm up, ready to go, and my day turns out fine!
But most mornings, I end up either re-setting my alarm for later or just pushing snooze for 2 hours. I hate that about myself, but it’s something I deal with on a regular basis.
Challenges with sleep and schizophrenia
Sleep can also be a hard thing for those of us with schizophrenia, too. So, when we do find that ever-elusive good night of sleep, we can want to prolong it for hours! So, I end up laying in bed, most times awake, prolonging my morning until the last minute before I must get up and get going.
Is this lack of motivation because I am lazy? Is it because I just don’t care? Am I depressed? Or is it something bigger than both of those things?
Motivation and avolition
Motivation is hard for people with schizophrenia. It's called avolition and it means lack of motivation. It's also one of the main negative symptoms of schizophrenia.
I deal with this symptom every day. I think people forget that schizophrenia can have other disabling symptoms besides the ones that are overt and obvious – the ones we can see (like hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, or disorganized thoughts).
What I wouldn't give just to be able to set an alarm and get up like most folx do on a daily basis, instead of literally having to fight with my thoughts and battle with my lack of motivation and desire to just stay in bed 30 minutes longer.
Schizophrenia and lack of energy
Schizophrenia can also zap your energy! Not only is it hard to summon motivation, but it can be extra hard to summon up the energy needed to get through your day.
My theory is that it takes those of us with schizophrenia a lot of energy just to survive and get through a day, let alone have any extra tasks to do – things like exercise, yoga, journaling, spending time with friends being social, or getting out of the house.
Just trying to get through the day
When you spend a great amount of energy just getting through your day (workday or not) successfully, with symptoms always at the ready, it's hard to find energy for anything extra. I know that by the end of my workday, I've given all I've got and by the time I get home, I'm ready to eat and crash out.
I sometimes must force myself to do those good things for myself that I ultimately know will help my wellness.
Powering through isn't easy
Motivation and energy are sometimes hard to come by for those of us who live with schizophrenia. However, a lot of times we really have to fight against those things (lack of motivation and energy) and just power through.
It sounds horrible to have to "power through" anything, but doing those things like exercise, yoga, journaling, and spending time with friends is essential to building good habits and a healthy lifestyle with this condition. The more I do those things, the more I realize how good for me they are, and each time gets a little bit easier to just not push snooze and get up and get moving.
Wellness takes energy – but it's worth it
But just know that these feelings and symptoms are real and very hard to deal with sometimes.
If you’re powering through, you’re doing great. If you're not, you’re still doing great and it's okay to give yourself grace and try again another day. Chaos breeds more chaos and peace breeds more peace. Make your self-care a priority, whatever that looks like for you.
Try to create a routine that gives you a break and also holds you accountable to your own wellness.